January 16, 2010 at 1:33 pm 
Funny Articles
The Scene:
Your house cat, following her natural feline instinct, has spotted something moving which does not seem to have permission to trespass. She spends an hour or so deciding what to do, then suddenly springs to life, snags a cockroach with one claw and puts it in her mouth to save for later.
The Dilemma:
Your natural human desire to protect all life impels you to get the cockroach out of the cat
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January 16, 2010 at 1:33 pm Funny Articles
At last the authorities have signed the necessary papers and the design firm of Feng Fu-Kung Shui can move forward with its monumental effort to bring Kung Fu to its room arrangements and Feng Shui to its sweaty mats at the dojo. The new art will be known formally as Feng Fu-Kung Shui-do.
Even The Great Mudge Poobah has approved, which is rather incidental since he is not Chinese. But he is welcome anyway as long as he comes alone.
There will be no IPO for at least seven years but private investors who have mastered either art are encouraged to discuss business.
Features of the new system include the Chrysanthemum Punch, the South-East Facing Pussy-Willow Slap and the Flip-Over-Toe-Hold Weisenheimer Gelatin Surprise. Mats, as you might well expect, will all be placed diagonally with an easy view of the doorway.
Uniforms and headbands will feature an indecipherable symbol created by Von Dutch in his next incarnation after a successful lifetime striping hogs. The silk-screening will be done individually by eleven virgins of the Eternal Realm of the Elegant Moonpie. In silence, of course. With nunchucks holstered.
All corners and angles of the dojo will be swept of gremlins, dragons and dust-bunnies. Opening night will take place on the inverted solstice of the eleventh moon of the nocturnal transmission of The August Fire Dog. Guests will be asked to remove their shoes and garters at the door.
Wood, fire, earth, metal and water will be served at 7 p.m. followed by an impromptu dragon wiggle. Children and dogs permitted, but no Irish. If you would like to receive our weekly newsletter, please sign up at the door. Donations welcome.
Peace.
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Jack Wilson is a writer and artist from Los Angeles and Phoenix. http://www.geocities.com/galimatio/jackwilson.html Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jack_Wilson |
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January 16, 2010 at 1:33 pm Funny Articles
(Extended spoof, presented In 10 installments of 4 pages each. This is the third installment; previous ones are available on this site and presented below each new installment at NewsLaugh, in case you miss one or more.)
He closed it, thought for a moment, and recomposed himself. Then he walked to the bookshelf, took down another copy of his work, autographed it, and headed for the den with it.
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January 16, 2010 at 1:33 pm Funny Articles
A group that calls itself humanist terrorists was apprehended by the FBI in a preemptive strike in Miami. The terrorist cell, which claims affiliation with the Middle Atlantic terror group all-Libraries, was infiltrated by an FBI operative.
The leader of the group confided to the informant that the members planned to plant explosive books in various locations throughout the United States, including the Sears Tower, a number of FBI buildings, and radical Muslim mosques.
The humanist terrorist group had been operating out of the basement of an as yet undisclosed free public library in Miami. The FBI found plentiful evidence of the group
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January 16, 2010 at 1:33 pm Funny Articles
As we listen to the two principal culprits of Al-Qaeda attempt to motivate the unsuspecting to become suicidal dupes of its ideology, we cannot help but hear that their furious rhetoric is grievously flawed. We decided we might save some lives by bringing to bear on their promise of Paradise via murder the most frightening prospect a furiously brandished lie can confront: logic.
Let
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January 16, 2010 at 1:33 pm Funny Articles
What happens when you’re a 10-pound cat, cavorting in your backyard, and a 300-pound black bear decides to cavort there, too?
If you’re a cat named Jack, you attack the bear. At least, that’s what a tabby cat by that name did when confronted by the significantly larger presence.
The bear was so startled by the rampaging tabby that it climbed high up a tree for protection and hung on with frightened mien while Jack sat below on guard, until the police arrived and anesthetized the bear, to transport it to safer territory.
Jack’s owner is now thinking of enrolling the fearless lightweight to act as a guard during African safaris and protect unarmed tourists from any lions who stray too close.
Article Source: http://www.articledashboard.com
Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV. Critics have called his writing “”delightfully funny” and “witty” with “good, genuine laughs.”
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January 16, 2010 at 1:33 pm Funny Articles
(Extended spoof, presented In 10 installments of 4 pages each. This is the third installment; previous ones are available on this site and presented below each new installment at NewsLaugh, in case you miss one or more.)
He closed it, thought for a moment, and recomposed himself. Then he walked to the bookshelf, took down another copy of his work, autographed it, and headed for the den with it.
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January 16, 2010 at 1:33 pm Funny Articles
Bill Gates announced that he will transition out of his day-to-day role at Microsoft by July 2008 in order to spend more time working on the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, which focuses on global health and education.
His announcement reminded us of the plethora of graduation speeches that eager students imbibed across the land this spring. As we listened to the meritorious goals heaped on the recent graduates, so they might achieve goals the speaker
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January 16, 2010 at 1:33 pm Funny Articles
One thing you can say about George Bush, when the man decides to do something, his guiding principle does not appear to be moderation, whether it
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January 16, 2010 at 1:33 pm Funny Articles
An unsuspecting contractor drove to his nearby Home Depot to buy a vanity. When he opened it, besides the usual shelves, he discovered two 50-lb bricks of marijuana.
Police were summoned and invited to the garden shop, where they were told the marijuana was being sold as a new kind of grass seed that offered entertaining prospects for homeowners and landscapers.
Now, instead of just mowing the lawn and admiring the result, the laborers in the lawn will be able to light up.
Police, not entirely convinced of the legality of the enterprise, pressed the employees in the department, particularly since the current street price for 100 pounds of marijuana is approximately $145,000.
The officers were also alert to the fact that a plumber who recently purchased a vanity at a still-unidentified hardware store in Massachusetts found 3 kilograms of cocaine, along with 40 pounds of marijuana in the unlikely repository, with a street value of about $250,000.
As suspicions mounted, police searched a dozen HD stores and found similar unusually outfitted vanities.
The management of Home Depot has vowed to cooperate in the curious investigation.
One wonders in what vanities the drug merchants might be tremblingly sequestered.
Article Source: http://www.articledashboard.com
Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV. Critics have called his writing “”delightfully funny” and “witty” with “good, genuine laughs.”
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